Yes.
It's december 20th. 2019. That means it's my birthday. It's not necessarily my favorite day. Those who know me know that this day is a day that I normally run from. I usually ignore it. I haven't had the best track record on this day, from my memories. This day was always a shared day with my Grandpa who's birthday was 3 days from now. He was a man who I never really understood. He was my mother's father, but not a true grandpa to me. I'm not going to get into details about him, but instead invite you into the depths into my deepest feelings about this day.
I've never really celebrated this day. As long as I've known, this day has always been a day to celebrate not just me. but also my grandpa. I never knew a birthday cake without both of our names on it. It wasn't my special day, but ours. I don't remember a birthday that didn't include him until I was older. After that, It was a day that many people held their companies christmas parties on. It became a day that only became special to me and my small family around me.
I always wanted a big birthday party to celebrate myself, that I was an special individual, seperate from anyone else. I never really got that. This time of year, people go to parties for their companies, for their families, and for their friends, but it never seemed to include me. I always felt sorry for myself. I started to dread my birthday and feel anxious when the day actually arrived. I swore that I'd never celebrate my birthday again. It wasn't worth it, the heartbreak, the let down, the non-importance of it all...
It wasn't until my cousin explained it clearly to me.
I was defining my special day as a day that I remembered in the past, instead of a day that started my future. As I write this, I just turned 44 years old. I've been living every birthday 43 years in the past. Every year I get older I get wiser, I gain wisdom, and I gain clarity with help from those who surround me.
I am in control of my destiny.
I have control on how I live my life.
I have control on how my story continues and what story I tell in the first place.
My story started on a questionable note, but is that the way I'm going to continue to tell my story?
I'll tell you now a few details about me that are definitive:
I love me.
I have some really great friends.
I have a family that really cares for me and is interested in me succeeding in life.
I love photography, fishing, hunting, music, driving, hiking, and, above all, seeing my family truly happy with including me in anything their happily doing. That's what makes me tick. Not self preservation, not making myself happy, but making my family happy. That's when it finally comes full circle for me. That's what's real to me.
You all want to know the secret to life?
It's easy.
It's in the people around you.
It's in the loved ones that you hold dear.
It's your own happiness that you have achieved true love with the world around you, with those closest to you, with your surroundings.
I am at the point that I am at peace with all that I have and am grateful with all that I have.
I thank you all for being all that you are and teaching me all that you have.
I have a lot to learn, but I absorb all you have left to teach me.
I love you all!!!
